Seasons greetings & a howdy ho! It’s that time of year again as a cluster full of shoppers congregate in Wal-Marts, Best Buys & TJ Max stores around the country to share in the joy that can only come through giving at Christmas.
Liana gave me an early Christmas present, deer whistles. Unfortunately, I did not have deer whistles on my car when I slammed into the doe darting across Greenwich Road that fateful night. My car was totaled, but I was all right. Can’t say as much for the deer. LMAO. I inadvertently killed a deer much like Santa’s reindeer & I’m sorry about that. But w/ my deer whistles, it shouldn’t happen again. I am now driving a 2009 Suzuki SX4 and I’m loving it like a kid playing with his favorite Christmas toy. Liana, the bargain queen, helped me find a spectacular car at a greatly reduced price.
She’s also playing the role of domestic goddess, baking pies for all the wonderful family we will see again this Christmas. We truly cannot see them enough as I know it is with you & yours at this special time. Liana, Sam, Kenzie & I felt the joy as we stood outside the Dillon’s store, ringing bells for the Salvation Army. The children were all smiles. So was I even if Liana said I had a creepy serial killer look on my face.
We attended a Christmas program at the kids’ school. It was quite enjoyable even if they did have them singing a bunch of hippie, liberal crap about being good to our planet and loving people of all shapes & colors. Have a merry New Age Christmas everybody. Guess it’s goodbye Santa & Baby Jesus in a manger. Hello Mother Earth and wiccan chants. It’s breaking my silver balls, just thinking about it. Saw a Christmas wreath at the front door of the middle school the other day. Oh, I have the Christian holiday cooties. Someone call the ACLU.
But it’s been a wonderful year. Last spring I took the kids to sunny California & we all went to Disneyland so little Kenzie could dress like a princess & get her hair styled at the Bibbity Bobbity Botique. Also, we walked along Hollywood Boulevard and saw a lot of medicinal shops with a lot of water filtration pipes and cylindrical tubes. There were brownies inside. Kind of reminds me of that episode of “That 70s’ Show” where Kitty told Hyde she knew what his secret brownie recipe was: love. It was like a great waft of love. I felt a mellowing sensation just being in California except for the feeling of insane paranoia that crept into my life as I stood eyeball to eyeball with a man near the seedy, gray McDonald’s by Arsenio Hall’s Walk of Fame star.
Hey who needs Hollywood? Or Las Vegas? Or “Music City” Nashville? I stepped it up this summer when I took the family to that entertainment mecca Branson, Missouri. There’s nothing like the Shanghai Circus & Tony Roi’s “Elvis experience” with a Yakoff Smirnoff show in the land of God & Country. Yes, there are lots of billboards in Branson, bearing the words, “God & Country.” You’ll find them near the Confederate flags and “No farting zone” signs.
Later, we visited Liana’s cousin Pam in Scranton, Pennsylvania. She and her husband, Jim, were having a Christening for their baby girl, CC. And in other news, Liana’s brother Delbert had a surgery regarding the digestive issues in his gastric system and inflammations of his upper & lower intestines. Good thing he had the intestinal fortitude to withstand it. LMAO.
In closing, I want to remind us all to reflect on the true meaning of this season as we roast chestnuts with our families and light a Yule log for Jesus’ birthday. There is a burgeoning tourist industry in Bethlehem & from what I’ve read the Inns are all full. (How’s that for a marketing slogan?) But isn’t that what Christmas is all about? The joining of our capitalist values with Christian love as we reflect on that night many years ago when three astrologers followed a comet to that glorious stable. It hasn’t been the best of years – what with our socialist president trying to cheat billionaires out of their tax breaks and allowing fairies into the military, but for just one day, we can all share in the peace & goodwill that is Christmas.
God bless us everyone,
Jeff
P.S. I watched some old Christmas shows on TV that I originally saw as a child during the 1970s. “The Search for the Baby New Year.” “Rudolf & Frosty the Snowman in July.” Those people must’ve been dropping some serious acid.
