Been more than two
weeks after he left us i bet his last words were beam me up scotty and people
still have Mr. Spock's face on their Facebook profile pictures. Hands making
the Vulcan sign. You know that sign is derived from Judaism?
"I hope he was a
completed Jew," Jacque wrote on her Facebook wall.
In other words, a
Messianic Jew. Someone who’s Jewish, but has accepted our Jesus Christ as his
personal Savior. Let's hope Leonard Nimoy was that kind of Jew. If he wasn't,
of course, he'll burn in hell forever, but we'll hope for the best. Hopefully,
God did not have to cast him into the eternal lake of fire, but youuuu gotttta
have Jeeeesus.
In no way, should my comments
be construed as antisemitic. I love the Jews. They're God's chosen people. Heck,
everyone knows Moses was the first American and our Constitution was based on
the Ten Commandments. It says so in the high school history textbooks inside
the big, beatin' heart of Texas.
Hey my grandpa helped
liberate a Nazi concentration camp at the end of World War II. I'm all for
shooting Japs and Germans. It's not for us mortal humans to inflict such
cruelty on mankind. Only God can do that. Listen, I support Israel. You wanna
know who I think are real shits? The Palestinians. Muslims are from Satan. Plus
they'll turn you gay. Thanks Obama. We all know you have family members in
ISIS. Oh, so he's ordering bombs and airstrikes? Hey liberal, I hope you choke
on your Kool-aid.
Ol' JC was a Jew. You
can be a Jew too - a Jew for Jesus. We can even wear yarmulkes, observe
Shabbat, Seeder, hold Bar Mitzvahs. Well gosh all mighty, we can mix Hanukkah
and Christmas. They're pretty much the same. And that's how we bring Jews to
Jesus. It's Judaism with a Christian spin, much like when we go ghetto at our
suburban mega-church with Beastie Boys-Red Hot Chili Peppers oriented Christo
beats and entertain the kids with a Jesus rap while we wear our blings and go
gangsta for Jesus.
My friend Jacque is
all for Jews. A fine Christian woman, Jacque. She and her husband, Harlan, have
16 kids. The oldest are girls and they help with cooking, sewing and spanking
the younger children 'cuz if you don't beat them, they'll go to hell. Just a
quiverfull of love at their old farmhouse. We're gonna outbreed the Muslims.
Harlan takes the girls
to purity balls where they pledge to their fathers that they will remain
virgins until taking wedding vows.
Don't believe those
nasty rumors about how oldest daughter Betsy already got her hymen busted and
Daddy did it. Liberal lies.
Anyway, we're all for Jews (hey, they discovered America) and we hope they have Jesus.
Now that liberal,
plum-puking Christian-Islam hybrid, Chrislam - we don't go for that. Islam is
bad. Muslims hate America, they're such terrorists. They’ll try to keep Obama
in for a third term.
Plus, they'll cause
your sons to masturbate.
