Saturday, March 14, 2015

Are you complete?


Been more than two weeks after he left us i bet his last words were beam me up scotty and people still have Mr. Spock's face on their Facebook profile pictures. Hands making the Vulcan sign. You know that sign is derived from Judaism?

"I hope he was a completed Jew," Jacque wrote on her Facebook wall.

In other words, a Messianic Jew. Someone who’s Jewish, but has accepted our Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. Let's hope Leonard Nimoy was that kind of Jew. If he wasn't, of course, he'll burn in hell forever, but we'll hope for the best. Hopefully, God did not have to cast him into the eternal lake of fire, but youuuu gotttta have Jeeeesus.

In no way, should my comments be construed as antisemitic. I love the Jews. They're God's chosen people. Heck, everyone knows Moses was the first American and our Constitution was based on the Ten Commandments. It says so in the high school history textbooks inside the big, beatin' heart of Texas.

Hey my grandpa helped liberate a Nazi concentration camp at the end of World War II. I'm all for shooting Japs and Germans. It's not for us mortal humans to inflict such cruelty on mankind. Only God can do that. Listen, I support Israel. You wanna know who I think are real shits? The Palestinians. Muslims are from Satan. Plus they'll turn you gay. Thanks Obama. We all know you have family members in ISIS. Oh, so he's ordering bombs and airstrikes? Hey liberal, I hope you choke on your Kool-aid.



Ol' JC was a Jew. You can be a Jew too - a Jew for Jesus. We can even wear yarmulkes, observe Shabbat, Seeder, hold Bar Mitzvahs. Well gosh all mighty, we can mix Hanukkah and Christmas. They're pretty much the same. And that's how we bring Jews to Jesus. It's Judaism with a Christian spin, much like when we go ghetto at our suburban mega-church with Beastie Boys-Red Hot Chili Peppers oriented Christo beats and entertain the kids with a Jesus rap while we wear our blings and go gangsta for Jesus.

My friend Jacque is all for Jews. A fine Christian woman, Jacque. She and her husband, Harlan, have 16 kids. The oldest are girls and they help with cooking, sewing and spanking the younger children 'cuz if you don't beat them, they'll go to hell. Just a quiverfull of love at their old farmhouse. We're gonna outbreed the Muslims.

Harlan takes the girls to purity balls where they pledge to their fathers that they will remain virgins until taking wedding vows.

Don't believe those nasty rumors about how oldest daughter Betsy already got her hymen busted and Daddy did it. Liberal lies. 

Anyway, we're all for Jews (hey, they discovered America) and we hope they have Jesus.

Now that liberal, plum-puking Christian-Islam hybrid, Chrislam - we don't go for that. Islam is bad. Muslims hate America, they're such terrorists. They’ll try to keep Obama in for a third term.


Plus, they'll cause your sons to masturbate. 




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