It was nearly a decade ago. I remember being so excited to hear that a new bible study was going to take place at the country church we’d been attending for almost a year. I’d wanted to get involved with the women’s ministries, and for an introvert like me this seemed the perfect opportunity to get to know some of the other ladies. I anxiously dropped my signup sheet in the offering plate when it came around. This was my chance!
The study was one from a nationally-known Christian leader named Beth Moore based out of Houston, TX. I’d heard great things about her bible study groups. She takes a book of the bible and expounds upon verses you might not even take a second glance at. This particular study was one about the book of Daniel called Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy. It sounded somewhat mysterious—prophecy? I was a young Christian mom, hungry to learn and grow with my fellow females.
Though I worked outside of the home at the time, I had flexible enough hours to allow me to attend the Tuesday morning sessions. I eagerly traveled the sixteen miles to the church, happily imagining the conversations that might occur. Don’t judge; many introverts do this to psyche themselves up for upcoming social interactions. Or it might be some form of a neurotic hang up, hell I don’t know.
I pulled into the parking lot, nervous but confident. After locating the meeting room just off the sanctuary I found a seat and settled in. I really didn’t know anyone there outside of a quick handshake and hello on Sunday morning, but I reasoned they were probably excited to have a fresh, new face. We went around and did the standard introductions of ourselves and then dove right in. The study would consist of your own workbook (fee partially paid for you by the church) and a weekly video lesson led by Beth Moore herself. The excitement crackled in the air. Beth Moore! I wasn’t sure why the other women were so jubilant at the thought of learning under her, but I was ready to find out.
Our lesson that first week was just an introduction to the study. Beth Moore had filmed a “personal” greeting to our group, thanking us for our interest in studying the book of Daniel along with her. It was almost a commercial for the study. She informed us about what was in store for us, a “ride of our lives.” She told us we were surrounded by “a Babylon” society. The video showed Beth walking in front of jewelry stores, highbrow clothing boutiques, a Tiffany & Co. store. I found it quite interesting that the Beth Moore they showed teaching on stage looked like she probably shopped at all those stores. Hair perfectly coiffed, tons of volume on top Texas style. Beautiful, flashy clothing. Perfectly manicured nails. She even said she worked on writing this study while sitting in the hairdresser’s chair getting her hair cut and colored. She really didn’t look or sound like someone who would be preaching on the evils of a Babylonian society, but I kept my mouth shut and my mind open.
The following two or three weeks she lectured her live audience, and the one at home, upon the evils of what our society has become. “When my grandmother went to the country store and she stood at the checkout, not once did she glance upon the front of the magazines and think, ‘I think I’m supposed to look like her.’” Cue audience laughter and applause. “But Beth,” I thought, “You DO look like those women on the magazine covers.” She’s slim, and blonde, and dressed to the nines. I didn’t understand how she could preach upon the ridiculousness of looking like a magazine model when she was obviously trying hard to look like one. I decided to bring it up at the end of study when we were asked to share thoughts. I was legitimately surprised to find my questions met with near-hostile attitudes from the other women.
“Don’t you think she just wants to look her best for television?”
“Doesn’t she have a right to shop where she wants?”
“Wouldn’t you want YOUR nails manicured if you were going to be on a DVD in front of thousands of people?”
“I think you’re missing the point of the study.”
I felt attacked, and frankly stupid for daring to question this woman. It seemed to me she was saying one thing, but doing another. I’m not sure if no one else agreed with me, or if they were too afraid to throw in with me, but I sat alone. They moved on to a closing prayer and I left while the other women stayed for visiting afterwards.
I went back one more time, but I just couldn’t get over not being allowed to question the study leader. I’m inquisitive by nature, and I suppose I do tend to question leadership when there seems to be no one else questioning. Blindly following is an impossibility to me, and I came to realize the hive-mind mentality in small church groups is the status quo.
You see, small to medium size churches are a lot like high school. There are cliques within the upper echelons of church society and it’s the unstated purpose of other church-goers to aspire to be accepted into their circle. I tried for many years to become one of them, first at our country church, and later at a larger suburban church we attended. I went to women’s ministry events whenever possible, invited church leaders over for dinner, and went to every get together I was invited to attend. I really tried to fit in.
Then one day, I mentioned to the pastor’s wife that I was not a fan of Joel Osteen. She was baffled. How could I not be? He’s saved thousands of souls, he’s a champion for God! I explained my reasons, reasons I’m sure she’s heard before, but she was having none of it. After that, things changed. Once again, I went against the hive mind. While my fellow congregants were busy reposting Joel Osteen motivational quotes on Facebook, here I was being disgusted by what I saw as his twisting of scriptures. Didn’t they want to question and investigate before they followed him? It seemed not, because whenever I questioned, I was immediately shut down. I once mentioned how his wife had been thrown off a flight when she threw a fit in first class. They even had an answer for that, though I confess I don’t remember what it was.
Nowadays we attend a mega church ourselves, though the pastor here actually preaches Jesus. I like it because I don’t have to know who is part of the hive mind. There are few skeptic questioners in Protestant churches now, and I just don’t fit in. I enjoy going to Saturday evening services and hearing good, old fashioned, soul stirring preaching. And I enjoy no one belittling me if I disagree with something. They don’t disagree because this is a mega church, and the people I sit next to tonight are just faces in the crowd. We don’t talk.
And that’s sad.
And that’s sad.
